没钱且不聪明的父母怎么养孩子

穷人和蠢人不适合生孩子,你们没有繁衍的压力,为什么一定要生孩子?不要跟我提“不孝有三,无后为大”,那不是压力,是封建糟粕。如果是为了享受天伦之乐而生一个孩子,我多少能理解一点,毕竟我也是父亲。但理智上仍然认为这么做有些自私和天真。你是快乐了,但你给孩子提供的起点那么低,将来都未必能补上,你难道不感到羞愧?再加上,以你的天资,就算做父母也未必能快乐多少年,很快就会感到厌烦和无助的。如果生孩子是为了将来给自己养老,呃,怎么说呢,请现在就把页面给我关了,不要看我的文章,我不想跟你们说话。

此文写给已经把生米做成熟饭的爹妈,谈一谈如何把有限的资源和智商运用到最能事半功倍的地方。

首先得搞明白教育能影响孩子的哪些方面。

先说智力。基因是不可控的,孩子的智商相当大一部分是天生的,所谓的开发智力,也只是创造条件让孩子的智商发展到潜力最大值而已,作用有限。

其次是性格。性格受后天影响大一些,但影响因素太多太杂,父母的一句话、甚至一个小动作都能带来负面影响。想要在这方面成事,家长本人必须聪明而且三观健全。而作为此文的目标受众,我看你就算了吧。

其它的诸如资源、机会、后台等等等等就更不用说了,这些东西你根本提供不了。那还剩下什么,有什么是你力所能及,并且只要意识到,再努把力就能做到的?不要跟我提“爱”啊,把我气死了我做鬼也饶不了你。

是教养!同学们,教养。

人类文明不断发展的标志之一就是人与人之间的相处方式更加符合时代特征,更加平和、尊重和互助,不再需要利用物质匮乏时代的抢夺和互害等手段来维持生活质量。在基本生存需要得到满足之后,和动物不同的是,这时候的人类就开始寻找更高层次的精神追求了。

善待自己的同类,对陌生人温柔,设定界限、不侵犯他人利益,懂得共享,愿意让步,这些都是人类的优秀品质和教养。可为什么这些西方人做起来得心应手的事情,中国人却好像永远学不会呢?按说这二三十年中国经济和百姓生活水平进步的很快啊,物质条件已经基本满足,可为什么走到哪里还是能看到中国人在互相抢夺、谩骂、欺骗和破坏呢?其它的不说,至少在家庭教育上,教养在中国就从来没被当成一个真正重要的东西来教授。

孩子要服从,要机灵,要懂事,要孝顺,要谦虚,要上进,要隐忍。对不对?这些是不是你们从小耳濡目染的最重要的行为准则?这里面有没有任何一条是教育你们应该怎样对待陌生人,以及如何在公共场合保持得体、不给他人造成不适的?比如从小使用请、谢谢、对不起等礼貌用语,吃饭不张嘴、不舔筷子,不在背后议论别人、尤其不做传话筒,对陌生人宽容、尊重,凡事不抢、礼让三分,以己度人、不做伤害他人利益的事,爱护公物、珍惜花草树木。等等所有这些,不是说你们从来没跟孩子提过,提是提过,但也仅此而已。一旦遇到和其它任何利益有冲突的情况,最先被放弃的就是这些东西。

其实这些都不是什么新鲜玩意儿,尤其在最擅长做表面功夫的我们的祖国,思想品德、公共道德等内容是被每一所学校当作正经课程来教授的,看上去还真像一个极重礼数的泱泱大国似的,可实际上呢,根本不是那么一回事儿。家长、老师、社会,无一不把教养当作鸡肋。有了当然好,而且最好是我身边的人都很有教养,这样我最舒服了;没有也没关系,毕竟教养不能当饭吃,娶不着老婆买不来房,得不到尊重称不了王,要来何用?

教养是让别人舒服的,我凭什么要让别人舒服?这就是中国人的自私与短视,在需要所有人一起退一小步才能有所收效的事情上,我们从来都做不好。但是孩子的教养又是相对最容易培养的,只要足够重视,就一定能做到。因为这里面没有太多技术含量,不需要你多有智慧,也不需要你多有钱,只需要坚持,在中国这个环境下,再有一份信念,就可以了。

什么样的信念?我这么说吧,三十年以后,没有教养、没有德行的人,连在中国都混不下去。

就要有这样一份信念,排除世俗陈见的干扰,坚持把这件事情做下去。因为建立真正的文明社会是发展中国家的必经之路,早点儿在这方面武装好下一代,也算是对你没钱没脑都敢生娃的一种补救。孩子长大以后也不至于混的太糟,至少是一个彬彬有礼的好孩子,没有人会不喜欢这样的人。

最后,祝你们不要再继续糟蹋自己的孩子,愿好运和他们同在。

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